Your First 90 Days, Day 5: How to Surf an Urge and Win

✨Day 5: Riding the Wave: An Introduction to Urge Surfing

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." - Jon Kabat-Zinn

It came out of nowhere. One minute, Sarah was working on a presentation; the next, a powerful urge to watch porn hit her like a physical force. Her heart rate quickened, her palms grew sweaty, and a voice in her head screamed, "Just do it. It's the only way to make this feeling go away." In the past, she would have given in instantly. But this time, she remembered a new idea: an urge is just a wave.

On Day 5, we learn one of the most crucial skills for recovery: urge surfing. It's a mindfulness technique that changes your relationship with cravings. You don't have to fight them, and you don't have to give in to them. You can learn to ride them out until they pass.

What is an Urge, Really?

An urge is not a command. It is a collection of thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that your brain has learned to associate with the porn habit loop. Research shows that most urges, if you don't feed them, will peak and then naturally subside within 15-30 minutes.

Fighting an urge is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. The more you struggle, the more forcefully it pops back up. Surfing the urge means letting the beach ball float on the surface. You watch it, acknowledge it, and let it bob around until it eventually drifts away.

How to Surf an Urge: A Step-by-Step Guide

When you feel a craving begin, don't panic. Find a quiet place if you can (even a bathroom stall works) and begin.

1. Acknowledge and Name It: Say to yourself, "This is an urge. I am feeling the urge to watch porn." This simple act of labeling creates distance between you and the feeling.

2. Notice the Physical Sensations: Scan your body. Where do you feel the urge? Is it a tightness in your chest? A restlessness in your legs? A knot in your stomach? Get curious. Describe the sensations to yourself without judgment. "My shoulders are tense. My breathing is shallow."

3. Breathe Into It: Take slow, deep breaths. Imagine your breath traveling to the parts of your body where you feel the urge. You are not trying to make the feeling go away; you are just observing it and staying present with it.

4. Watch it Change: An urge is not a single, solid thing. It's a dynamic process. Notice how the intensity ebbs and flows. It might grow stronger for a minute, then weaker. It might move from your chest to your hands. Just keep watching it like a scientist observing a fascinating weather pattern.

Sarah did this. She sat at her desk, closed her eyes for a minute, and just felt the urge. She noticed the heat in her face, the frantic thoughts. She kept breathing. After a few minutes, which felt like an eternity, she noticed the intensity dropped from a 9/10 to a 6/10. A few minutes later, it was a 2/10. Then, it was gone. She felt a profound sense of victory.

Action Step: Prepare for the Next Wave

You don't need to wait for an urge to practice. Take two minutes today to simply sit and notice whatever sensations are present in your body. This builds the "mindfulness muscle" you need for when the waves get high.

Also, write down the four steps of urge surfing on a small card or in a note on your phone. When the next urge hits, you won't have to remember; you'll just have to read.

Conclusion: You Are the Surfer, Not the Wave

Today, you learned that you are bigger than your urges. They are temporary events that pass through you; they are not the core of who you are. By learning to surf, you are taking away the power that cravings have held over you.

This skill takes practice. Your first few attempts might feel clumsy, and that's okay. But every time you ride a wave, no matter how small, you are rewiring your brain for freedom. Tomorrow, we'll discuss what to do with all the time and energy you're saving. Keep up the amazing work.